So now we understand what rapport is, why we would use it and how we would use it.
The next question is, how do you know when you have established rapport with another person?
If you cast your mind all they way back to Five Principles for Success you will remember that one of those principles was have sensory awareness to know if you are being effective. This is where your sensory acuity really comes into play. Remember - these are building blocks.
In a nutshell, if you pay close attention to your senses, in particular to what you see, hear and feel you will recognise the rapport state when you get it.
There are four main indicators of rapport:-
- You get a feeling inside (kinesthetic internal) of warmth towards or familiarity with the other person. Some people describe this feeling as butterflies around the mid section of the body.
- A blushing or a flushing of the skin in the other person - a shift from light to dark, from a lighter shade to a redder shade. This is indicative of their autonomic nervous system switching from sympathetic (fight-or-flight) to parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) functioning. In other words, the skin colour change is an unconscious indicator of relaxation.
- The other person will commonly say something to indicate that they are in rapport i.e. Do I know you? Haven't we met somewhere before? Are you an Aries?
- You switch from pacing to leading and they follow. Until now you have been pacing the other person - matching and mirroring their physiology, tonality, key words etcetera. When you have rapport you should be able to lead - when you move, they move. Try crossing or uncrossing your legs and within a matter of moments they should match or mirror you, Lean back in your chair and they should do the same. As long as you maintain rapport you should be able to continue leading.